Do What You Have to Do
by Queen Vixen
Summary: Songfic based on "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan. Sequel to "Demons." "But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go."


**Well, when I originally wrote "Demons," I had no intention of doing a sequel. I was just planning on leaving it the way it was. But it was really popular (which was kind of surprising) and since several of you asked for a sequel, Voila! Here it is! I don't know if it's going to live up to the standards of "Demons," because I actually had to look for a song to match the story. When I first heard "Demons" I actually thought up the plot to fit the music, but I think I found a song that is going to work pretty much perfectly. Anyway, enough with my ramblings. Enjoy the sequel! **

********** = flashback/flash foreword (you should be able to tell which again)

/\~/\~/\~/\~/\ = scene change (same time period)__

/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\__

_And I have the sense to recognize that_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_Every moment marked_

_With apparitions of your soul_

            It had been six weeks. Six weeks since he had watched the news report that had changed his life. Since he had seen those brilliant flashed of orange and yellow light up the sky as the camera man continued to film. Six weeks since he had last cried for the life of the love he had lost forever. 

            Duo sat in his room alone, the lights turned out and the blinds open. Rain dripped down the glass like tears, taunting Duo as they snaked their way down, leaving little water trails. Flashes of lightening were marked by the low rumbling of thunder in the distance as the storm grew in intensity. 

_I'm ever swiftly moving_

_Trying to escape this desire_

_The yearning to be near you_

_I do what I have to do_

            "I don't know quite what to do Heero," Duo said to the emptiness, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head resting on them. "I've been so lonely since you left. It's like everyday I wake up, there's more weight added to my already heavy chest. It's so hard to even breathe sometimes." 

            Silence once again claimed the room, broken every few minutes by the ominous thunder outside. Left alone with his thoughts, Duo's mind drifted back over the months since Heero's death, and how he had been pathetically attempting to get over the one and only love of his life.

**********

_The yearning to be near you_

_I do what I have to do_

_But I have the sense to recognize_

            Tears streaming down his face, Duo stared at the T.V. screen, as the video footage of the explosion played over and over again. Duo had made a copy of the news report from the eleven o'clock news, and now he watched it constantly, wanting to never forget the last couple seconds of Heero's life. He knew the video by heart, exactly how long the flames shot into the air before dissipating into the vile black smoke that choked the sky and turned the fluffy white clouds a fiendish grey. The color was a perfect match for his now cold heart. __

            And then suddenly, as if someone had twisted the knob on the faucet, Duo's tears stopped. He couldn't cry for Heero anymore. His beautiful violet eyes, which used to sparkle and shine with mischief, stayed a puffy and dreary red; but no tears fell from them to wind their way down his already stained cheeks. His heart had frozen over, attempting to block out the pain, and become a bed of rock. 

            The video played on in the background as Duo leaned his head back against the arm of the couch and closed his eyes. They burned with lack of sleep and too much crying. Turning his head away from the T.V., he pulled the afghan off of the back of the sofa and wrapped himself up in it, curling into a fetal ball with his knees tucked into his chest. 

_That I don't know how_

_To let you go_

_I don't know how_

_To let you go_

            As exhaustion over took him, he marveled in the blissfulness of sleep, wanting to be rid of the pain of his loss for at least a few hours. However, his thoughts of peace were soon abandoned at images of his lost love floated through his dreams, plaguing his sleep. All he could see was Heero's face; with the same scornful look he had been wearing the last time Duo had seen him. Then, suddenly, his face was gone, replaced by a bloody, gaping hole and a voice that wafted through the dream.

            "You were right, Duo. You're always right…"

/\~/\~/\~/\~/\

_A glowing ember_

_Burning hot_

_Burning slow_

_Deep within I'm shaken by the violence_

_Of existing for only you_

            Light danced back and forth, casting odd shadows on the surrounding furniture. Staring into the flames, Duo inched slowly towards the fireplace, seeking the warmth that had been stolen from his shattered heart. The fire licked greedily at the logs, sending off heat that never quite reached the broken boy. He craved the fire, tentatively guiding his hand toward the cheery embers, yearning for that scorching touch. His fingers neared the fire; he could almost feel the heat he needed. Just a few more inches…

            "DUO!" a voice called out in the darkness. 

            Jerking his hand back, Duo continued to stare into the fire as if nothing had happened, hoping the person would go away and let him try to warm up.

            "What on earth do you think you were doing?" Quatre asked as he raced over to the grieving husk of the boy he once knew. He reached his hand out, touching his friend on the cheek, but quickly recoiling as his hand met nothing but what felt like frozen ice.

            Duo turned his head slowly toward Quatre, his eyes hollow and dark, with none of the joy they had once overflowed with. "I'm so cold, Quatre. I wanted to get warm." 

            Quatre's eyes filled with pity for his comrade, so deeply wounded by the loss of one of their own. He gently wrapped his arms around Duo, trying to rub his arms and get the blood flowing back into the freezing limbs. 

            "I don't think it's healthy for you to sit out here all the time," Quatre said as he held his friend. Duo had been out in the living room for 8 straight days now, and he knew that it was not healthy for the boy. Duo had barely slept and hadn't eaten anything at all. He occasionally drank the water Quatre left for him on the coffee table, but other than that, he hadn't acknowledged his surroundings at all.

            "I think we should get you into your room for now, Duo." Quatre whispered, and without waiting for a reply, he started to lift the boy off the floor. He was stunned by how light Duo was, but realized that it was only to be expected after having had nothing to eat for over a week. 

            Carrying the boy down the hall, he quietly opened the door to Duo's room, filling the dark space with the harsh light of the hall, and placed him on the bed in the corner. Quatre pulled back the covers of the bed, allowing Duo to crawl underneath and resume his position of his knees at his chest. His eyes filled with tears as he watched Duo burrow his head into his pillow, staring blankly out the window at the thickness of night. He had never imagined he would see the once lively boy reduced to such a shriveled form of his old self. 

            Quatre walked to the door of Duo's room, opening it slowly. "If there is anything you need, anything at all, I'll be right down the hall. And if I'm not here, Trowa or Wufei are always here to help you. We all love you Duo." And with that, he shut the door, plunging the room once again into the perpetual darkness.

**********

_I know I can't be with you_

_I do what I have to do_

_I know I can't be with you_

_I do what I have to do_

            And that was how it had been for Duo, living in his own private Hell of grief and self loathing. Thoughts had entered his head like "What if he was distracted by what I said the night before? Could that be what got him killed?" When thought like these came, Duo drove himself half mad with guilt, trying to rid them from his mind. It wasn't his fault. It just couldn't be.

            "But maybe it was my fault, Heero," Duo said into the nothingness once again. "What if I'm the one who got you killed? Would that mean that I deserved to die too?" Lightning illuminated the room, bouncing off the knife that Duo now held in his hands. He had kept it under his mattress and now he had it out, the blade glinting in the vibrant flash from the storm. 

            Slowly and carefully he dragged the blade across his skin, blood running down his left forearm much like the rain down the window pane. Duo stared at the blood, mesmerized by its continuous flow from the wound. He touched it with his finger, smearing it up and down his arm. Then he took the knife in his other hand, giving himself a matching slice on his right arm. 

_And I have sense to recognize but_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_I don't know how to let you go_

            The blood slowly seeped from his veins, forming drops and rolling down his skin, reminding him of the tears that had been absent from his eyes for so long. As he watched the red lines of his life seeping from his body, his eyes caught the sight of a figure that appeared to be kneeling on the floor next to him. Without warning, he felt a sensation of extreme cold on his arms, passing through from one side to the other. 

            As the red pools continued to grow on his now ruined sheets, the outline of the figure grew more firm, almost recognizable. A hand was stretched out, trying to catch the blood dripping from the cuts, but having no luck. Sounds began to come from the image that sounded like muffled sobs at first, slowly growing stronger to Duo's ears. 

            "Ne, Hee-chan, long time, no see." Duo stared at the boy by his bed, not in the least bit surprised to recognize the wavering image as that of his dead love. He slowly began to lay his head against the backboard of his bed, as the effort to hold himself up became too great.

            "Why, Duo? Why would you do something like this?" the apparition asked his dying friend.

            Duo smiled for the first time in weeks, the muscles in his face barely obeying his rapidly failing body. "For you, Heero. Always for you. I just didn't know how to let you go." He closed his eyes, allowing himself to find the darkness that had been lurking growing in his mind. 

            Opening his eyes again, Duo found himself staring into that same pair of deep Prussian blue eyes that had haunted his waking and sleeping hours for the past six weeks. The only difference was, these eyes weren't filled with hate and loathing. Instead, they were overflowing with love, compassion, and the warmth that had been missing from Duo's heart since the day Heero left. 

            Duo smiled at the boy, grabbing his hand and relishing in the fact that his soul was finally whole again. He was where he belonged, with the person he loved. 

_And I have sense to recognize but_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_I don't know how to let you go_

            "I just didn't know how to let you go, Heero. I love you."

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**Wai! *sniff* That was a much sadder ending than I had originally planned, but I don't think that it really would have worked any other way. *sniff* Anyway, I hope you liked it and it fulfilled your expectations! ^_^ Please don't forget to read and review! Tell me if you liked it/ loathed it/ loved it/ want to string me up by my intestines and have dead mice thrown at me. (that would not be very pleasant at all… *ick*) Go and tell me! I love reviews! **

~Queen Vixen


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